My name is Alexandra Kozma and I created Morning Mindset, the first journal for Grit Journals back in February 2018.

But the journey that led me to create Grit Journals started a few years before that. 

I graduated from university in 2015, ready to see the world and figure out who I am. Soon, I decided to move to the UK to complete the Trinity CertTESOL English teacher training program. I passed all the interviews and I got in. Out of 20 trainees, I was the only non-native speaker. Yay! For a moment, this made me proud, but soon, I started to feel like an impostor. How am I supposed to be a great English teacher if I can never learn to speak like a native?

Most of the group was welcoming, but some of my peers liked to remind me that I'm different—and of course, I listened to them. Never mind the fact that I was often better at understanding the methodology and regularly helped the others with their homework.

I felt like Hermione Granger, without her strength to keep believing in herself.

So, I didn't pursue a teaching career for years. In fact, I was embarrassed every time I had to tell a native English speaker that I was a certified English teacher. 

But, in the meantime, I got offered an opportunity as a marketing apprentice at the company where I was working as a customer support agent. I flew to Lisbon for a 3-month full-time internship where I learned everything I could about online marketing. I felt passionate and hungry to learn, and I was up until late most nights to work as hard as possible. In the end, my hard work paid off: I got the job.

But I was only happy for a moment. 

The story in my head continued. I was the youngest, least experienced person at the apprenticeship. Sure, I knew a lot about the company and I'd always had a creative side—but did I really deserve the job? I couldn't stop wondering, and it made perfect sense in my head.

Or did I only get the job because I had already worked in the company, and my boss would've felt bad about firing me? 

To spice things up a bit, I was also going through a rough breakup at that time that kept crushing my confidence for months. My self-esteem was lower than ever: I didn't believe I'd be capable of getting such a great job, and I didn't feel worthy as a woman either.

But my story wouldn't be complete without mentioning the people I met at this apprenticeship.

I had the opportunity to not only work but also live with a group of mature, open-minded individuals from all over the world who all wanted something different, something more. To not just accept how we're all supposed to live but take control of their lives, optimizing every area of it, and growing daily. For someone who barely started her twenties, it was the most formative experience I could've wished for. They completely changed my worldview.

Until meeting these people, I had no idea that self-esteem is not fixed. That I, as an adult, have the power to significantly improve my self-image without many years of expensive therapy. That I am, indeed, in control of my own mind—my accomplishments, grittiness, and ability to learn aren't just a result of a few pre-determined, unchangeable factors that made me "me".

My colleagues opened my eyes to some of my unconscious reaction patterns (I could also say: they didn't let me get away with my BS), made me aware of the benefits of meditation (yes, I did think meditation was for monks and hippies in loose-fitting clothes connecting with their chakras), and helped me realize that, although I've always loved learning in an academic sense, I still maintained a fixed mindset in many areas of life.

After landing the full-time marketing job and getting yet another emotional punch from my ex, I got to the lowest point in my life. (I can confirm as I'm writing this almost a decade later.)

That's when I got handed a book that taught me about self-esteem and made me realize that the only reason my ex can give and take away my confidence is because I actually have no self-esteem myself. I gain confidence exclusively from external validation—what my boss, my ex, my friends and family, or that random person walking on the street think of me. 

This was eye-opening.

That, paired with the second book I binge-read that same week, also got me into daily journaling which later inspired the Morning Mindset journal. 

These two books were The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden and Thinkertoys by Michael Michalko. (You can find them on Amazon here.) 

In Thailand, I also attended my very first yoga class, which introduced me to a new level of self-awareness (and sore muscles!)

It didn't happen overnight, but I started gaining more and more confidence in my job—and eventually also let go of my ex from my life.

Of course, I thought this high would last forever—but it didn't. It just doesn't work like that.

I'd still relapse a bit here and there, feel like I'm not good at my job, or let a new fling play with my emotions again.

But what I didn't know at the time is that just because you work hard on yourself to get strong, it doesn't mean you will just stay like that forever.

It's like working out like crazy for a few months, and then hoping you stay that fit forever, even if you decide to eat fried chicken in front of Netflix most days instead of hitting the gym. 

So I've tried many more self-improvement tools: many psychology books, ice baths, float tanks, plant medicine, breathwork; I even moved into a Thai temple for 10 days to do a silent Vipassana course. All these experiences were fantastic and taught me valuable life lessons, but as soon as I fell off the bandwagon, the insecurities and other old patterns—though gradually—started coming back.

Something stayed though: the more work I put into my development, the sooner I became aware of my own patterns the next time my self-esteem got a hit, and the faster I knew how to take back control in a healthy way.

Even now as I write it, almost a decade after that life-changing apprenticeship, I still tend to struggle with crippling thoughts, decreasing sense of self-worth and anxiety—and it would be unrealistic to think that now I can get over these feelings in minutes. But now I know exactly what to do: how to pick myself up after some darker days, and how to keep going, believing in myself, and going for it.  

I will never pretend to know everything. Far from it, and I wouldn't want to know everything even if it was possible. (Imagine how boring life would get if you had no more room to learn and grow!) 

But what I know is that if I want to be better, feel better and do better, I need to do something about it every day, and the right way.

And this is why Grit Journals was born back in 2017, somewhere on a plane between Thailand and Australia—to connect with those who want to live the best version of their lives, but need some guidance with the 'how' and inspiration for the 'why'.

Yes, the name was inspired both by Angela Duckworth's book and the word's meaning: "firmness of mind or spirit; unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger"

And as I've come to learn during these past years, mind and body are inseparable. Our mental and physical health are equally important, and exercise isn't just a way to look fitter. 

This is one of the many reasons I also chose to spice up my skillset by completing the 200-hour Hatha Yoga certificate by Yoga Alliance, back in 2020, and recently, training as a Mindfulness Teacher at Holbeck College.

Oh, and if you're curious about how I dealt with my impostor syndrome as an English teacher: I even built my own English teaching business in 2019! And even though the pandemic eventually ruined it, it's still one of the coolest decisions I've made.

Teaching is one of my biggest passions, and I hope you'll find you can learn something from me while you're here. 

I'm hoping that my blog can inspire you and help you with useful tools and advice to become your best version—offered from someone who is just like you.

P.S.: Since 2024, Grit Journals is also available in Spanish and Italian! 😍

Keep growing,